I just can’t wait…. yeah, whatever.  I don’t [...]]]> Yesterday was essentially like any other.  My daughter arrived home in the back of her mothers car carrying a wad of paper, envelopes, mailers and other assorted junk.  She anxiously handed me the small jumble and proceeded to inform me exactly how many pieces of mail I received.

I just can’t wait…. yeah, whatever.  I don’t remember as a kid being excited about mail, but I suppose I was.  Today, it’s either a bill or it’s junk – what’s to look forward to?

But yesterday was a little different.  Yesterday I received an envelope that was clearly from the U.S. Census Bureau!  For weeks I’ve been anxious to see if the “Do you own a gun?” question was in fact part of the questionnaire.

This envelope seems a little skinny I thought to myself.

But I opened it because why else would I receive an envelope from the Census if it didn’t, in fact, contain the census form?

What in the world is this?

Allow me to paraphrase here (I shredded and ceremoniously burned the letter in anger, so I can’t now directly quote it): “This letter is to inform  you that in about one week you should receive your U.S. Census packet.”

………………….Though you as the reader wouldn’t know it, there is supposed to be a very long pause between that last paragraph and this one…………………… I’m still trying to put into words the insanity of that letter.

Sometime today I actually started to calm down, and that’s when I had the epiphany.  I think I will start sending all my friends a letter one week before their birthday.  On the note will be a short sentence to the effect of….. “I’m writing this note to inform you that next week you should receive a birthday card from me.”  Just to make it more fun, I probably won’t sign it or even have a return address.

I love math, but I simply don’t have the time.  Someone please respond with an estimated cost of this letter.  OK, fine, let me get it started.  Roughly 100 million households times some slightly discounted postage.  Then add in the cost of the paper, ink, envelopes, personnel, writers, facilities, electricity, fuel, etc., etc.

If it weren’t our money, it would be laughable… but it is, so it isn’t.