Pale Side of Life » Daily Life

All You Need Is Love… Or Is It?

Chad — Fri, 20 May 2011 21:17:58 +0000

I’ve been married for over 16 years and I was pretty sure I had things figured out. Is my marriage perfect? No way, it’s not even close. However it is wrapped in love. So after 16 years I started wondering if love is all we need to make things work, to get by, to muddle through the muddy waters or to sail on the calm seas of marriage. The simple answer is yes – the complex answer is I haven’t even scratched the surface of what love really is.

I think I can say what love is not. Love is not pride, nor jealousy. Love is not making due or settling, nor is it the other pendulum-swing of shaping to fit your needs. Love is not manufactured, fabricated or produced. Love is not at first sight – lust is. Love is not blind – hatred is. Love is not to be pondered or contemplated – it is a choice. And if you’re lucky enough to be married to a person who has made the same choice as you then you’ve got a good shot at marriage.

But to know what love really is to fully understand God. I’ve never met anyone who fully knows or understands God so by deduction I can reason that I’ll never fully understand what love is. However, I am learning more about what God gave us because of His love – His son Jesus. Can you imagine loving someone else enough to sacrifice your own son? No way! If two people are stuck in a burning building – one of whom is my daughter – take it to the bank that I’m going in for her first. If the entire world’s population is in that building; same answer.

While Jesus was here, however, he dropped us a few hints as to what love is. Pick up the New Testament and read for yourself – but the one that sticks is to love God above all things. Is he nuts? I’m supposed to love God more than my own wife? Surely that can’t be the case. Well, after 16 years I can honestly tell you that in fact, yes, that’s the case. And here’s what happened when I did: confusion, followed by testing, chased by prayer, redoubled by more confusion and counter-punched with more testing. Though this may not seem to be any fun (it’s not) I am starting to understand how we should rejoice in the test. My rejoice comes through a stronger marriage, a better understanding of my wife, a better understanding of me, and the conclusion that placing God in between me and any hurdle is the only way to ensure clearance.

So, is love enough? Yes, but not my love for my wife or my wife’s love for me. Rather the love of God and the full willingness (choice) to accept it, embrace it, rely on it and love Him back. I thought I couldn’t love another more than my wife, and I was certain I couldn’t love her more than I did. I was wrong on both counts: I love her second and I love her exponentially more than before.

Advice from Half Dead

Chad — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 06:41:35 +0000

On the way home from school after picking up my 14 year old daughter she asked, “Well, how does it feel to be 40?”

I didn’t have an answer for her, but rather a question, “Don’t you mean from someone who is half dead? I mean if I’m really lucky I’ll live to be 80, so I’m halfway there.”

After some thought she said, “Can’t we figure out how to say that as though the glass were half full instead of half empty?”

“You’re right,” I said, “I’m half alive, not half dead.”

We quickly agreed that description was no better. But it got me thinking…. Hmmm. How do you measure your life? How do you sample your worth during this short time we have on earth?

I didn’t have long to wait for the answer. Last night I took a few moments to absorb what was assembled at my home. A small group of my family and closest friends were gathered at my home to celebrate my 40^th birthday. It quickly occurred to me that they were there to celebrate me, but I viewed it exactly opposite. Understanding that people are little more than a culmination, or summation, of their own life experience, it became very clear to me that I am who I am because of the people in my life.

It began for me by being indescribably lucky to be born into a loving, caring, Christ-centered family. The nature vs. nurture debate hasn’t been lost on me, rather I have squarely pegged my place on that scale – all my positive qualities were nurtured, all my questionable (of worse) qualities were nature. It’s not a bad bloodline thing; it’s simply that God decided to give my parents a chore for their third child. Later in life, though I didn’t know it at the time, God truly decided to pour all the grace of Heaven on me when He placed my beautiful wife into my life. I’ve always known unconditional love from my family, and I daily live unconditional love with my wife and children – but to understand what God has gifted me, long before I handed over the reins of life to Him, is to completely understand unconditional love.

That would be enough in this life, and certainly more than I deserve. But grace from above continues to poor down on me in the form of my friends. Perhaps not the people who know me most intimately, but certainly the people I interact with nearly on a daily basis. I stood in my home last night in absolute and complete admiration of all of them. Among them were people who could make me smile in the darkest of days, people who understood my life, people who know my faults but don’t care, people with unfathomable intelligence, people who seem to always have the right advice, people who never question the result but rather always seem to understand the intent, people who would reduce a dislocated shoulder simply because I asked him to, people who understand me when I don’t understand me, and people who know full-well my shortcomings but seemingly never judge them.

I have not a clue how to thank them all properly for not only being with me last night, but for being with me at all. I have much to work on in this life and it sure is a relief to know I’ve got these friends to help.

So, my advice from half dead is this: we are not meant to be solitary beings. We were created to be with one another. Fill your life with people who fill your life, and pray for those who leave voids.

Blessed Are Mothers

Chad — Sun, 09 May 2010 16:26:27 +0000

I’ve benefited from the love of two moms.

The first nurtured me, fed me, taught me right from wrong, and loved me unconditionally. She kissed my wounds, hugged away my sadness, laughed at my jokes and pushed me to greater things. She taught me to love, to learn and to live. She taught me to have faith in God and to trust His guidance.

The second nurtures me, feeds me, teaches me right from wrong, and loves me unconditionally. She kiss my wounds, hugs away my sadness, laughs at my jokes and pushes me to greater things. She teaches me to love, to learn and to live. She teaches me to have faith in God and to trust His guidance…. and somehow she has time to do all this for my children as well.

The longer I live the more certain I am that God didn’t create Eve simply as a companion for Adam. I think He knew that Adam didn’t stand a chance without her.

Misguided Faith

Chad — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:34:08 +0000

As my personal faith in God grows, I’m seemingly reminded more and more the words of a friend. He told me that the closer I try to get to God, the harder the devil will work to pull me back. I was reminded today of yet another reason so many people have trouble – or even hate – religion. A gentleman I chatted with mentioned his grandmother sitting in a hospital bed refusing treatment. She apparently was certain God would cure her cancer. She died, leaving behind a family undoubtedly broken by misguided faith.

I’m not an expert, but rather someone who tries to observe and learn. Did anyone in this gentleman’s family try to remind the grandmother that perhaps God’s answer rested in the skilled hands of her doctor? Or that perhaps her prayer was being answered by the fact she was offered treatment? What a travesty to see how this man reacts to “religion” because of his grandmothers illness and death. All too often we pray for something we want… what a difference it makes when we pray for God to send us in the direction He wants us to take.

I’d like to think this gentleman would view religion or faith differently if his grandmother had prayed for God’s guidance, instead of praying for what she wanted. Maybe it would not have made a difference in her life or death, but I’d like to think it would have made a big difference to the lives of her loved ones left behind.

Handbook 2010

Chad — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 07:02:03 +0000

My father sent me this list and I thought it worth passing on. Most notable to me are items nos. 5, 11, 17, and 21. We are all guilty of “the grass is always greener” syndrome. But always remember that those thoughts are only through your perspective… you have no idea if the person of your envy feels their grass is greener than yours. Chances are they don’t. Also, I’m learning through my own stubbornness that God truly is in charge if you let him. I’ve learned a few things lately… first is that God’s love is inherited and unconditional because we are his children. Second, asking God to take the wheel in your life is free will. It reminds me of the great song from Sting titled “If You Love Someone Set Them Free”. It should be enough to know God’s love that He sent his son Jesus to die for our eternal life. But He takes His love a step further by granting us the freedom to follow Him or not. What more power is there than to reign over the earth yet not force obedience? On with the list…

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read your Bible daily.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10.Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

‘Tis the Season Prayer

Chad — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 19:09:46 +0000

Lord, please give me the strength of patience during this Christmas season. I get angry at the crowds of self-interested people and before I am aware of it I, too, become one of the people I am disgusted with. Please, Lord, show me your light during my darkest hour of dealing with insane traffic. Remind me to be happy, help my facial muscles turn my frown upside down. Lord, carry me through the seemingly endless commitments and remind me that someone out there cares that I’m in attendance. Most of all, Lord, help me to keep my eyes on your Heavenly prize, open my heart to service in Your name, and turn my head to Your will. These things I pray in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Blogger’s Note: When I started this it was tongue-in-cheek… when I finished it I discovered I really do need this prayer. Feel free to print, modify, and use yourself. Also, we pray in the name of Jesus to give authority to Him to ask the Father to act upon our prayer. Remember if the prayer does not glorify God and is not His will, there really is no point to the prayer and certainly no point to asking it in Jesus’ name. Say these words at the end of your prayer, but never say them lightly or without understanding the meaning. Refer to John 14:13-14.

Get Around To It

Chad — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:02:41 +0000

If you are anything like me (you breathe air, you are human, you can read… yep, you’re a lot like me) you have said to yourself “yah I’ll get around to it”. Don’t worry, I’ve got your solution right here. Simply print this page, cut out the image below (yes you must cut out the circle) and put it in your pocket.

The next time those words leave your mouth simply reach in your pocket and pull out your round Tuit. No more excuses. You’ve now got your round Tuit, so get busy and gitrdone. Better yet, keep a few extra round Tuits in your pocket and hand them out when other people seem to have trouble motivating themselves. It might only bring a smile, but more often than not that’s all it might take to change a person’s day.

Blogger Note: This is blogger-heal-thy-self therapy.

Ways to Praise a Child

Chad — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:19:47 +0000

The Daily Lie

Chad — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:07:22 +0000

As I shuffle around the garage putting various items somewhere else they don’t belong, I see my neighbor drive up and park in his driveway. We make brief eye contact and almost simultaneously raise our arms in a “man wave”-type motion. “Hey, Bob, how are you?” “I’m good, and you?” “Doing good, thanks.” Why did I just lie? It wasn’t a big lie, just a small one, but a lie nonetheless. I’m not good. I’m not bad either. But I’m not good. Work is scarce, money is tight, and politicians are telling me what they can do for me. I’d just as soon have those politicians get the hell outta my way. Maybe things are good for Bob, but I doubt it. So why keep up the daily lie?

Eternal optimism I suppose. Not hope, but optimism. Hope ushered in our current president, therefore I have no hope. But I do have optimism because I know what Americans are capable of inspite of roadblocks placed around them. So I continue the daily lie knowing someday I won’t be lying.