All You Need Is Love... Or Is It?

I’ve been married for over 16 years and I was pretty sure I had things figured out.  Is my marriage perfect?  No way, it’s not even close.  However it is wrapped in love.  So after 16 years I started wondering if love is all we need to make things work, to get by, to muddle through the muddy waters or to sail on the calm seas of marriage.  The simple answer is yes – the complex answer is I haven’t even scratched the surface of what love really is.

I think I can say what love is not.  Love is not pride, nor jealousy.  Love is not making due or settling, nor is it the other pendulum-swing of shaping to fit your needs.  Love is not manufactured, fabricated or produced.  Love is not at first sight – lust is.  Love is not blind – hatred is.  Love is not to be pondered or contemplated – it is a choice.  And if you’re lucky enough to be married to a person who has made the same choice as you then you’ve got a good shot at marriage.

But to know what love really is to fully understand God.  I’ve never met anyone who fully knows or understands God so by deduction I can reason that I’ll never fully understand what love is.  However, I am learning more about what God gave us because of His love – His son Jesus.  Can you imagine loving someone else enough to sacrifice your own son?  No way! If two people are stuck in a burning building – one of whom is my daughter – take it to the bank that I’m going in for her first.  If the entire world’s population is in that building; same answer. 

While Jesus was here, however, he dropped us a few hints as to what love is.  Pick up the New Testament and read for yourself – but the one that sticks is to love God above all things.  Is he nuts?  I’m supposed to love God more than my own wife?  Surely that can’t be the case.  Well, after 16 years I can honestly tell you that in fact, yes, that’s the case.  And here’s what happened when I did: confusion, followed by testing, chased by prayer, redoubled by more confusion and counter-punched with more testing.  Though this may not seem to be any fun (it’s not) I am starting to understand how we should rejoice in the test.  My rejoice comes through a stronger marriage, a better understanding of my wife, a better understanding of me, and the conclusion that placing God in between me and any hurdle is the only way to ensure clearance. 

So, is love enough? Yes, but not my love for my wife or my wife’s love for me.  Rather the love of God and the full willingness (choice) to accept it, embrace it, rely on it and love Him back.  I thought I couldn’t love another more than my wife, and I was certain I couldn’t love her more than I did.  I was wrong on both counts: I love her second and I love her exponentially more than before.